I’m not one for writing a blog “column” usually or continuing on a story from a previous post, but that’s exactly what I’m doing today. Last week I posted about some issues in judgement I’ve been having with a member of my family & depleted self-worth that comes alongside it. I feel like today is a continuation of my journey through this tough situation. **Please note: I photographed this page before writing my journaling as to keep it private.**
I’ve struggled recently with centering my life around pleasing GOD instead of pleasing my family. Ideally, I’d like to please BOTH! My family has been a source of constant support & love throughout my entire life. They have always encouraged me to pursue creativity, further my education, challenge myself, help others, & please God. I believe all of these ideals are so important & I’ve always aligned myself with them to the best of my ability as I grew. All the while, the adults in my family keeping me in check. But now I find myself married, with a career, & actually house hunting. I stop & look around for the adult in the room & turns out it’s me. When did that happen? I’m in charge of my own life now. But I think many of us always look back to our families for counsel & approval. It’s a natural thing to do. But what happens when you come to a fork in the road?
As I said, I come from a very close-knit family. A very LOUD & OPINIONATED close-knit family. We love people hard, but we also speak our minds. Myself included. A good portion of that last blog post I wrote was learning to keep my opinions & judgements myself. Here we are at Step #2– what to do when a family member speaks their mind & it doesn’t align with what you feel your life should look like. I’m about to turn 30, so I’ve been categorized as an “adult” for some time, but I think this past year has been a crucial one. It’s been tough for me to be there for my family long distance, but at the same time not bow to their every whim & do what I think is best for me.
Sometimes when you make a choice for what’s best for you, it’s an unpopular choice. And people will tell you how very unpopular it is. Even small decisions that don’t please those you’re closest to can cause some pretty hurtful judgements to be thrown your way. But the best thing we can do is hold our choices up to the Lord. Are your life choices motivated by God? Or are they motivated by others? 1 Thessalonians 4:1-2 reads:
“Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. “
According to this passage, we have an internal compass. The Bible is an entire book telling us which path to take. We are to please God over all else. It’s so tough to feel confident in your choices & at peace with them when someone close to you calls your motives into question. Or worse, your sincerity & honesty. But we are called to follow Him. I’m in a season of this now, & my friends have heard my prayer requests & seen the tears as I don’t receive the approval I crave from family members. But pressing on & making love my main focus is the goal. The Lord knows my heart!
If you’re in a similar season yourself, pray with me:
God, I have my ear bent to you listening. I crave your approval & direction. This world is stacked with constant opportunities for comparison & crumbling to criticism. But I want to be motivated by YOU! You have given me such a wonderful family that have raised me to be the person I am today & I pray that you’ll give them a sense of understanding in my current season. Help me to better communicate with those closest to me & allow me to understand what they’re going through as well. Make clear to me your plans for my life as well as peace & discernment. I ask all these things right here, right now in Your Name! Amen.”
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