I’ve tried to put these thoughts into words too many times to count in the past months and even now it feels a little like leaving my high school diary open for you to read, but I feel like even just one of your hearts may need to hear the same lesson that has been weighing heavy on my own. It sounds simple enough, but this one little truth has been penetrating my heart and breaking down so many of the lies I tell myself. Here it is:
I am enough.
So many days it feels like our culture comes up around on all sides and presses me tight, telling me I need to be prettier, thinner, craftier, trendier. Instagram, Facebook, commercials, magazines, advertisements, Pinterest. I see these beautiful women with successful blogs, adorably dressed daughters, the trendiest new artist’s work on their walls, the best makers on Etsy’s gorgeous products and I can’t help but look at my own poorly lit photos of crooked drawings, my messy hair that desperately needs a trim, and my faded $7 jeans from Forever 21 and think that I am less than these women. A little gremlin inside of my head starts screaming that I need to keep up, I need to compete to be enough! I need to splurge on those headbands and onesies for our baby girl, get a new phone to take better photos, start a blog to gain more followers, maybe skip that midnight snack tonight and go for a longer run in the morning.
Don’t hear me wrong, these women I see are gorgeous and inspiring. A lot of them are women I look up to and I so admire the way they love the Lord and serve Him with their gifts. But when I start to idolize them, imitate them, and seek their approval instead of the Lord’s, I have lost focus. Jesus didn’t call me to perform for man. Jesus called me to love Him with all my heart and to love the world around me. But when I start comparing myself and feeling less than enough, the only person I am loving is me. I place my value not in who Jesus and the Gospel say that I am, I place my value on my performance in this world. But only the blood of Jesus makes me enough and until I realize that, I will be running in circles trying to keep up with an ever changing and fickle world.
When I fall into this comparison rut, I lose myself. I stop being the goofy, snort-when-I-laugh, wonky drawings, make thrift store finds into priceless treasures, love my family deeply Jess. I start trying to be who the world tells me to be and I stop being the unique individual that God made me to be. And at the end of the day, my husband doesn’t need a perfectly lit photograph or walls filled with the best art. My little girl isn’t going to need a big bow every day or her mom in a gorgeous new outfit that’s going to be covered in spit up anyhow.
The world doesn’t need a million carbon copies of one woman, the world needs each of us with our unique talents and giftings. God has given each of us such unique gifts for a reason and until I start embracing them and loving the world with them, I’m running away from the life He has called me to. My dear friend, I don’t know if you need to hear these words today, too. But for the one person reading this who does, know this:
Who you are today is enough. You are beautiful and wonderful just as you are. So snort when you laugh, sing a little too loudly, rock those thrift store jeans, and love the world with the unique gifts the Lord has given YOU.
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