I’ve never considered myself to be a very anxious person in the past but as of recently I’ve really been struggling with feelings of unrest and anxiety. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had a really hard time creating anything and today’s entry was no different. I look at the blank page in my journal or in my bible and a million thoughts arise and none of them constructive. “Why am I doing this?” “Why am I spending money on these supplies?” “Why am I doing this when I have a million and one things on my to-do list?” “What is the point of all this?” “What do I have to offer?” “What will other people think? “Is this going to be good enough to post on {insert social media vice here}?” Anyone else ever ask themselves one, some or all of those questions?
I recently took a week off of Instagram and I must admit I felt relieved. It felt great to not have to frame all those photos perfectly! I didn’t have to take the pictures over and over to make sure the lighting was the best and that all the right details were in focus. I just saw what I liked and snapped a photo. The weight of that realization was jarring. I realized how I was using a great tool like Instagram to make myself feel like a less than and it impacted my creativity in a big way but the good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way. I recently saw a quote floating around on Pinterest, and I’m sure it’s been out there forever but when I saw it I was like…YES!!! Do it for the process. That’s it. So simple.
Our society is very NOW motivated. We want the end result and we want it immediate. We don’t want to wait, we don’t want to exist in the middle. We want to think it right into existence…but God doesn’t work that way. He has a plan for me, for you…and sometimes his plan isn’t immediate. In fact I can’t really think of a time where I asked God for something and just appeared. He is using that middle, that mucky struggle, that beautiful journey to create us.
I recently decided that I want to lose some weight and while it would be totally amazing to wake up tomorrow in my my goal size, I know that’s not going to happen. I know that it’s going to be a long journey and one that when I reach my goal will take the rest of my life to stay there. I’m frustrated that I’ve gotten to the point I’m at but without the long journey of losing it all pound by pound, I know I wouldn’t appreciate it as much.
There may be something that you’re in the middle of right now that you feel like giving up. Maybe you’re trying to lose weight right now too, or maybe you’re trying to get pregnant, or trying to adopt, or trying to find a new job, or trying to save up to buy a house or trying to remodel or maybe you’re just completely lost and trying to figure out your purpose in general. While I can’t promise your end result or that it will be exactly what you wanted or that it will happen immediately…I can promise you that God has a plan for your life. Hand over your anxieties to him. He has put the most wonderful and gross and exciting and terrifying journey in place for you to navigate and grow from and in the end, when we are sitting in bean bag chairs around a cozy fireplace in the heaven, all that {middle part} will be your life story and I can’t want to hang out with a coffee and some chocolate (because there are no calories in heaven) and hear all about it.
Big squishy hugs,
Amanda
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All I can say is Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I have been struggling with these same feelings and asking myself the very same questions. Thank you for helping me see things clearer and to remind me that God’s got this.
As someone new to all of this, I say thank you. Why do we make it about everything it shouldn’t be? I’m not an especially “artsy” kinda gal, but I am enjoying this process immensely. So again, thank you. :)
I love this Amanda. So well done. All of it.
Thank you so much Amy! You’re so sweet!
this is great. thank you so much for sharing!
yay! this was such a blessing to read! thank you oh so much for being transparent and real and sharing your heart — and your lovely pictures too! ;)
Beautiful! I too am struggling with creating at the moment so I am trying to do it for the process and not the end result, and to do it for my own enjoyment and relaxation rather than for what anyone else thinks. I’ve recently discovered Illustrated Faith and I’m so glad.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing! So many times of us experience the same struggle, so it’s good to hear how you worked through it. ?
I just stumbled on this post as I was learning my way around the website. This was spot on for me. God surely led me here to read this. Thank you so much for your beautiful art and wonderful words.
Blessings!