Even with as creative as I am, I still have a very strong Left Brain side. If you didn’t know, I have diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which is a mental anxiety disorder where someone has repeated unwanted thoughts or feelings that consume them (obsessions) & make them resort to unhealthy behaviors (compulsions) to get rid of the obsessive thoughts (Psychology Today). Because of that, one of my first responses to any situation or question is to immediately try to rationalize it or explain it. Can you imagine how difficult that must be sometimes with the way God works? We can’t explain or rationalize His decisions & plans! That’s why they call it faith, right? Yet I still find myself asking God repeatedly why? Why things haven’t worked out in my life the way I planned. Why certain things are more difficult for me than for someone else. Why He “lets” such horrifying things go on in our world that I see on the news. Why?
I’ve been waist-deep in the book of Ecclesiastes lately & I stumbled upon Ecclesiastes 11:3-5:
“If clouds are full of water, they pour rain on the earth. Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where it falls, there it will lie. Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things”(NIV).
When I read that passage, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. With OCD, these waves of calm are often short-lived, lasting only long enough for the bully in my brain to scare me with the next fear or crisis. But in those moments of peace, you feel some relief. And that’s something.
The root of the passage is that we simply can’t explain away everything that God is doing. We can’t point to a specific explanation for why things happen the way they do. It’s right there in black & white for us on the pages of His Word: if we spend all of our time trying to decode God’s will, we won’t ever get anything done & we will have spent our lives struggling to understand something unexplainable. Working hard & trusting Him is all we can do. There’s something about seeing it written in the “Owner’s Manual” of my life that gives me permission to let the compulsion to rationalize things rest & just trust.
During much of my journey with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I’ve had one particular scripture alongside me: Exodus 14:14. It soothes me. It gives me those moments of calm when I’m spinning out. I know now that Ecclesiastes 11:3-5 & Exodus 14:14 are going to be spectacular teammates.
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